Any little bird can swim

by , under life

That is: yet another update.

I’m so glad that the neurologist warned me that the scary pills would give side effects first, because I got really bad vertigo attacks: for the first couple of days more or less exactly an hour after I’d taken one. Also, a curious combination of hyperfocus and lack of attention span. After three or four days the real effect kicked in, and it does make a difference. Not cleared up yet, of course –nerves mend slowly– but I feel the leg is mine again, not some alien appendage. The feeling isn’t completely back, but part of it is pins-and-needles now (especially just after going to bed. Eek.) and I think the area is smaller, too. My other half tells me I’m moving a lot better.

I’m exhausted, though. I think it’s the recovery rather than the pills that uses so much energy. I have periodic nagging feelings that I ought to be doing things –I can, after all!– but I can’t get up the energy to go and do it. The leg doesn’t take 90% of my mental CPU any more, but the pills make me vague now. No longer very dizzy, though, and I dare drink half a glass of something alcoholic in the evening, but still drink alcohol-free beer instead of normal otherwise. (Alcohol-free Weizen is actually palatable; especially the German brands, but also Hoegaarden and Wieckse.)

I described this brain melt to someone as “like smoking pot without the fun parts” when it was still very bad, and it still has some of the characteristics. I can start something and forget about it entirely when I look the other way for a moment. I can blank completely on a word– when a black bird did several swoops over the swimming pool the other day, alighted on it and started to paddle, faster than I can swim, my brain came up with “albatross” several times (1), then wrong-language but correct “cormorant”, and only then “aalscholver” (2) so I didn’t have time to say to my swimming buddy “Look! There’s a —-!” before the bird had had enough of the chlorine and taken off again.

(1) Knowing full well that albatrosses are white, much larger, and don’t occur at this latitude.
(2) With the association that always comes with this word, the anagram/dialect synonym “schollevaar”.

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