Tiny editing update

by , under editing, writing

I’m slogging through the thing that’s now called Daughter of the King but needs a better title: the sequel to Gates and Passages. This is the one in which I wrote past the ending several times (and then decided to cut it in half because the first half did work, resulting in Gates and Passages).

But I’m on page 21 of 87 now, still far from the end so there’s nothing to fear, and I think I’ve done a very good thing:

(Vauri’s POV, about cleaning the doctor’s workshop from magical residue)

OLD VERSION NEW VERSION
But they had. She clearly remembered herself and Lédu doing it in a fit of giggles. Lédu had wanted to be in on it to get rid of Torin once and for all. It had been a cathartic experience, leaving both of them exhausted and relieved. So how had Torin’s essence got into the workroom again? There was only one plausible explanation. But they had. She clearly remembered herself and Lédu doing it. Lédu had wanted to be in on the work to get rid of Torin once and for all. It had left both of them in a fit of giggles from relief and exhaustion. So how had Torin’s essence got into the workroom again? There was only one plausible explanation.

I can’t say right now why this is better (blinkers from hyperfocus) but I’m pretty sure that it’s better, tighter and less rambly. Leaving it here to contemplate.

  1. Felix

    Sometimes a little rambling is good in prose, you know… Just playing with the words for the sake of it. Not much. Enough to spice things up. Don’t cut out everything that looks like fluff.

    Reply

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